My first (and prior to Leukaemia) only other stay in hospital was to have my tonsil and adenoids out and grommets put in my ears when I was around 7 years old – I still managed to end up in casualty having been put on an adults ward (this was the early 80s) and deciding along with another inmate of similar age to create a trampoline park out of the 70s style chairs in the common room – didn’t end well after I jumped from a set of drawers (to get more bounce obviously) and went straight through the base of the chair and gashed my head on the inevitable messy landing. As my parents arrived to visit they were none plussed to be told by nursing staff that I was in casualty having stiches in my head.
It was the start of a beautiful relationship with crash related cuts and bruises – although from then on only the really good ones got to see A&E.
As a reader you maybe like me Gen X (born 1965 – 1980) potentially be worried about your impending health decline, having a midlife crisis and how to maximise dull stuff like did you pay enough into your pension 20 years ago like you were told too as you race towards pensionable age (if you did get to the back of the class smug so and so).
It was at this point in my life that a number of other people I knew received cancer diagnosis – it was almost like a co coincidence and warning of impending old age – is this what triggers a mid life crisis?
This blog series isn’t particularly squeamish – there’s lots of stabbing for veins and countless drugs and some being drilled into from biopsy’s (with what looks like a bottle corkscrew and best not seen) a few little bits like it but nothing spectacular. However, if you have just been diagnosed with Leukaemia or cancer then I want to make sure you have the trigger warning and understanding of what your journey is likely to be.
I suggest you don’t read it unless you have a strong mind as it’s not a great journey – especially if you have been just surprised as I was that you are being forced on it. However, if you choose not to proceed I strongly suggest you go get a strong mind sharpish because its arguably the thing more than anything else you can control that will save you – remember you are not dead yet. Contrary to the Verve song the drugs do work but a decent dose of mentality is a perfect complimentary therapy.
When I was diagnosed I found there are two kind of books and advice streams. I’m too much of a cynic to believe either and generally won’t believe or agree with pretty anything I read.
Firstly endless streams of positivity – all my experiences to date of leukaemia and cancer have been shit – I’m not going to beat about the bush – there is no upside apart from dramatic weight loss if that’s your thing. This is my journey, sepsis and all – if you want to know how the story ends you can skip to the end and read the last few posts (as I write this even the posts that are currently my last I’m still not dead yet). Fundamentally there is no rainbows and no unicorns. Also the endless positivity undermines trust – it’s easy to have happy ears about what it’s going to be like and look on the brightside.
The other books / facebook groups stretch from like minded souls desperately searching for some positivity or alterative to the sadness and depression that follows with a cancer diagnosis. Most are well meaning until you stretch into the realms of American audiences and the totally unhinged mentals “I threw all my meds away and now I live on a diet of rabbit dung, some leaves and a special medicine I got on the internet from someone called Ron and taaad …..da I’m cured – please click on my affiliate link as someone has built a ponsy scheme praying on cancer patients – the snakeoil salesmen from long ago still exist they just hide on Facebook groups and feed on the fearful, scared and desperate.
The alternative is realism, so you know what it’s like. I took a huge amount of comfort in speaking to others – Gary, Virginia and Toby notably – just been able to talk to someone who had really been there was huge for me, even if it was uncomfortable truth at least it shone a light on the even scarier unknown.
The fundamental aim of you are not dead yet is to help shine that light.
I’ve always wanted to understand the task at hand so I can prepare mentally and physically but especially with Leukaemia also look for cheats, hacks, positives and the always present (even if only a pinprick) light at the end of the tunnel.
My advice – read my posts, listen to my podcasts (😊) buy anything I tell you too (😊) Avoid googling anything medical.